Sunday, 14 July 2013


Hi and welcome to my blog.

I probably should have started this 18 weeks ago. In fact, I did create the blog around that time and just never started writing anything. I have started many blogs in my life and eventually I abandon them all. They are still out there somewhere in the Internet world.

I recently watched a vlog on Youtube of someone I knew - about her pregnancy, birth and beyond. She definitely should have been an actress because the person in the videos was definitely not the same person as the one in real life and in my opinion she just shared way too much information about personal things.

Anyway, after watching the vlog I decided that I should get started on my written blog. There was no way I was going to video myself every week (no one wants to see that) but I still wanted to document my first pregnancy for myself and for my family. If anyone else was interested to read it, that would be fine but I wouldn't imagine anyone would want to.

So, this is my first pregnancy. I'm 30 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. I've wanted a baby since I was 16 and had an ectopic pregnancy. I had hoped to have a baby before 30, but it didn't happen. I never met the right guy who wanted the same as me. It never even happened accidentally, although I tried. Before my current relationship, I was with a guy for over a year. It was my longest relationship and I thought "this is it, I'm going to get my baby at 30". His sister accidentally fell pregnant and although I was upset about that, I hoped that it would make him want to have a baby too. He knew how much it meant to me, how I didn't want to be "old", how my previous ectopic could affect my chances of falling pregnant or having it happen again, how I didn't want to "plan" to have a baby and just wanted it to happen when it happened. He didn't understand any of that. Or he didn't care about my feelings. He was too focused on himself and his guitar and his computer equipment and weirdly, his sister. It started to all fall apart a week before my 30th birthday but I tried to hold it all together. Then I got really sick over Christmas and missed a lot of work. I tried to manage Christmas Eve with my family without painkillers, but it was no fun for me. I couldn't spend Christmas with his family, because I needed to take the painkillers but they made me fall asleep. He was upset and angry that I wasn't there. He got drunk and acted erratically at my house on New Years Eve. I was still unwell but got no emotional support from him just a lot of disrespect. I started to see a physio and a psychologist. I tried to hold on to the relationship. I don't know why, I could see that it wasn't what I wanted anymore. Then in February I was made redundant from my job of 13 years. Again, there was no support from him. He didn't ask how I was feeling or tell me he'd be there for me. Basically it was "oh well, you'll find something else". A couple of weeks later, he broke up with me. I was angry. We had talked about things, I thought we were sorting things out. Turns out he was just giving up. I should have done that a long time ago.

About 2 weeks after that I met my current boyfriend. I wasn't really looking, but had signed up on a dating site just to see what was out there. I had already seen him a couple of times at parties but we had never spoken and we were "friends" on Facebook, but there hadn't been contact. When he saw that I was newly single and had joined the dating site, he used information from my status updates to find me on there and contact me. I didn't have a profile photo, so he searched through a lot of other profiles before he found me! I was shocked when I got his first message and wrote back "this is kinda freaky, but you actually sort of know me!" I didn't hear back from him that night and it got me worried! I shouldn't have been though. We messaged back and forth and then switched to texting and I arranged for him to meet me in the city on Friday night at drinks I was having with people from work. I had already booked a hotel room for the night before inviting him out as I was planning on having a big one. But I couldn't wait that long to see him and invited him to my house on the Wednesday night. So we met up, got along and fell in love. A couple of weeks later on 3rd April, we found out I was pregnant. I'm now 18 weeks and we are living together in a lovely 4 bedroom home we bought. Yes, things moved pretty fast, but that's just the way we like it!

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